Where do I even start? As you can tell from my posts, it's been a year of serious transformation. If I forget for even a moment all I have to do is look outside and watch the butterflies, flitting from flower to flower reminding me that no one's struggle with transformation is harder than theirs. I secretly think they are out there waiting for me to finish mine and don my wings and join them for a flight. While I would love to feel the freedom of flying effortlessly through the air and gracefully gliding on the wind currents from beautiful flower to flower, I think their short lives will pass before my transitions are complete. As humans, this is generally the rule - it takes a lifetime (or perhaps several) to get it all figured out. There have been several times along the way though when I think, once I cross this next hurdle, I'll have it all figured out. :) Anyone else out there have that thought too? It's never how it works. There is always more. There has to be. That is life and living it to the fullest is a full lifetime's work. If we got to see everything and get all the answers we'd feel like Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita when Krishna reveals it all to him - completely overwhelmed and begging for it to go back to the way it was. We have to take our progress one step at a time; we can't go faster than what we are ready to handle. When we get ahead of ourselves or stop doing the underlying work, any progress will either be halted, back slide, or will be overwhelming to our system. It's a delicate balance. Here's an example of what not to do. I share it with the hope that you learn from my mistake. A pattern that I've carried with me for as long as I can remember is holding stress in my neck and shoulders. Many of us share this pattern. For me, my system decided that it was time for me to break this pattern. So at any moment that I feel an ounce of stress, now I immediately feel it in my neck. My solution? Avoid stress! I'm not even sure how I thought, in this world, that avoiding stress could be possible, and I laugh at myself now for being so foolish. The point is we can't just avoid a situation to break the pattern. We can delay the work of breaking the pattern by avoiding the situation, but that doesn't mean the pattern is no longer there. I can just hear the universe saying "nice try Jenn." The work is to walk through it – not avoid it. Sometimes it is hard to not just run the other way, but the reward is taking it head on. You won't ever change the pattern by heading in the opposite direction. You will only stall your progress. You have to look the fear in the eyes and then take a giant step forward. I know I've spoken about this before, but this is where all the ground work you've done comes in: courage, vulnerability, and awareness. As I shared in A pattern in the breaking, for the process for reforming our old groove patterns (samskaras) into new ones, here's some further insight into the take action step. I want to share some examples of shifting patterns in action. In the moment when you normally run and hide and breakdown with tears alone, instead stay and cry with the person. In the moment when your habit is to scream and belittle the other person, pause and look inside and see why you’re hurting and want to respond in this manner. When you shift your response, you automatically shift the other person's reaction, because now the situation is different. You can even call a "time out" from whatever is going on and ask the other person for some space to sort out what you are feeling. It helps to have a willing partner to assist with this, but you can do this in your own awareness, even if you don't. Pay attention to what your body is feeling in these moments. Like the tension in my neck makes me aware that I am feeling even one iota of stress, your body is sending you signals all the time. Learn to turn in and notice them. Another great way to look for help with identifying your patterns is by paying attention to your dreams. Our dreams reveal so much to us if we are paying attention. Those recurring dreams you have are revealing a pattern for you. Dreams are a way to get into our unconscious where we can't get in our awake state. Keeping a dream journal or at least spending some time lying in bed going over your dreams each morning is a good way to start. Oftentimes, if we have several dreams in one night, they are communicating the same message to us. If you haven't tried keeping track, check it out and see what you learn. So does it ever feel comfortable when going through these changes? Yes, and no. Change is always uncomfortable on some level; it's this discomfort that, well, makes us want to change in the first place. If it wasn't uncomfortable, we'd never be motivated do it. The comfort comes in knowing that we've been here before. We've made it through previous transitions and we will make it through this one, too. And if we've gone through it before then we know what we will find on the other side - more of our true self shining brighter than we were before. I hope these ideas and examples help you along your way as they have me! And as always, remember to be compassionate with yourself along the way. For me, learning compassion and keeping a gentle heart for myself has been a critical pattern that I'm re-grooving. Om mani padme hum Oh, and never, ever give up the dream to fly with the butterflies.
0 Comments
Recently, I have been working my way through some "pattern breaking" as I call it, and it’s not an easy process. One of the hardest steps is the first - identifying the pattern. We all have them, it's just seems easier to keep blaming others for our problems, or ignoring that we've had the same fight with someone 100 times, or even that we don't like to be around certain people/scenarios/etc. These are all good circumstances, when you are ready, to look for and identify a pattern that you are playing out over-and-over again. Other good places to identify patterns is to watch the scenes and conversations unfold with those you live with, the family you grew up with, your work relationships, and even with friends. Most all of our patterns were formed as children so this is why our family has a knack for bringing these out in us. They become difficult to identify, and break, because they are so ingrained in us that we don't even notice they are there. It really takes a lot for us to step back and see things in a different light. Part of this work is being able to look at your shadow side – your "flaws." And this means admitting that you are not perfect. This can be an immense obstacle that can prevent many people from going any further into pattern breaking. Those that believe they can do no wrong may be able to identify the pattern, but then will keep the blame all external, unable to look at their role in the pattern. This is obstacle number 2. So once we've identified our pattern and accepted ownership of it, we must identify the root. Identifying the root will help heal the old would that caused the pattern to appear in the first place and will also help us in the future when we uncover other patterns that are actually just different manifestations of the one we are currently looking at, but lead us back to the same wounded feeling. If we are able to identify that wound, then it will be easier to identify this pattern and similar ones in the future because it will feel familiar within our physical, emotional, and energetic bodies. Many of our patterns come back to not fully loving and accepting ourselves – this is why I wrote The Power of Love blog. Some other common ones are not feeling safe, not feeling as if we belong, and not speaking our voice (or not feeling heard). The "fun" part is that all patterns demonstrate themselves in different ways for each of us. I like to turn this pattern breaking stuff into a game of detective work. It's not like it's spelled out for you – you have to dig deeper to see what's before you so you can identify it. Finding that root is key, but it also takes a lot of courage. And now we encounter the take action step of breaking the pattern. Another difficult step. Again, this is not an easy task. (Who am I kidding? None of these steps are easy!) We have to identify the pattern as it is unfolding. Whoa! This takes a gigantic amount of awareness and courage. As you move through the action step you will identify the pattern at various stages. It may be a day/week later, it may be just after the incident played out, it may be in the middle of it, or it may be as you begin to step into the pattern itself. This piece of the puzzle will take an indeterminate amount of time to solve. Not the answer we want to hear, but it's the truth. Our self awareness will play a big part in this, and so will our courage and willingness to be vulnerable. It takes a big person to stand in the midst of a pattern and own it. (This is a good place to mention that meditation helps us grow our self awareness. See Times of Transition for additional tips.) The action step involves using the first 3 steps to help break the pattern. When you really take ownership of the pattern that you've identified, then you will begin to see it playing out before you a lot easier. When you fully know the root and can feel it within your body, you will be able to tune in and identify that feeling and know that you are stepping into your pattern. This will be key to helping you identify and break it. You also have to remember that, no matter the point where you realize that you've hit the pattern, that is progress! Even though you may feel frustrated that you are bound to the pattern, be sure to celebrate! That awareness in identifying it, no matter the point in time in which you did, is success! Remember to love yourself as you are going through this process. Hey, that might even be the root of your pattern, so you get another opportunity to try it out. :) Once you realize that you are playing out the pattern, you can change your programmed emotional response to a response of your true nature. This, is beautiful. The process is not easy, but whoever said life would be easy? However, it doesn't have to be hard, either. But we make it hard. It's our own forgetfulness of who we are, and it's this inability to see our true nature and the true nature of everything around us that makes our journeys so tough. It's our own patterns that lay over and cover us, embedded into our egos, that prevent this. And it's busting through these patterns that allow us to see our true selves again. Got any thoughts on this pattern breaking business? Please share them below. Looking for guidance with identifying and working through patterns? I'd love to help. Set up a session to work with me. If you liked this blog, check out Finding Your Way Back Home. 6/17/2013 0 Comments The power of loveLove.
It's what we all want, seek and strive for in our lives. Some of us are on a perpetual quest to receive love from around any corner we can. It can put us on a desperate, heart-wrenching path that ends up leaving us feeling more torn apart than we previously felt. There are some who get up and try again relentlessly, and others who abandon the path, close up shop, and build a wall behind which to hide and feel safe. We look for love in any way we can get it - from friends, family, co-workers, even strangers. Something to make us feel important, needed, happy - loved. The one place we forget to look is within. The key to finding love is realizing that it's something that we've been carrying with us all along. It has always been within. It's that long journey that we've been on that leads us right back to ourselves. It's Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Loving ourselves isn't an easy task. Remembering our true nature and embracing our purest form can be a challenge, but it might be the most important challenge in our lives. We must learn to embrace ourselves as we are - the beauty and the flaws, the darkness and the light. It is lovely to have someone to love us despite our blemishes, but until we can do that on our own, we will always carry self doubts about how others see us. It's in accepting ourselves fully (as we are) that frees us from the judgment of others, but first we must free ourselves from our own judgment. Once we find the compassion, patience, and pureness for ourselves, our lives will never be the same. Everything shifts. You gain the ability to fully love another - unconditionally. Your heart opens to the magnificent grace that you carry in your soul. You let out your heart's desire and nothing holds you back from living to your fullest potential. The power of self love is tremendously expansive and luminous. Just one glimpse can change your life. |
AuthorJenn White, Yoga Educator, Meditation Teacher, and Owner of Embodied Bliss, began her journey of yoga and meditation in 2004 while recovering from a back injury. Feeling lost, restless and seeking something more from life, she found her path through meditation. Archives
September 2018
CategoriesAll Adventure Aparigraha Art Authenticity Awareness Bhagavad Gita Busy Mind Change Cicada Compassion Contentment Creativity Discipline Dnc Dreams Earth Day Fear Growth Huffington Post Hurricane Sandy India Into The World Letting Go Love Meditation New Year Non Attachment Non-attachment Oasis Patterns Practice Reconnecting Routine Samskaras Santosha Stabilize Strength Struggle Sustainability Tuning In Yoga Yoga Sutras |